Growth Life analyzes your website, SEO, social presence, and listings using AI to uncover opportunities that drive more traffic, leads, and real business growth.
How roastable is your business?
Our AI audits your website, Instagram, LinkedIn, Google listing, Amazon page, or storefront like a brutal growth consultant — then tells you exactly what's costing you customers. Free score. Feelings not included.
How it works
Drop your business in
Website URL, or screenshots of your Instagram, LinkedIn, Google listing, Amazon page, or storefront. 10 seconds.
AI runs a real audit
20+ hard checks — SEO, branding, conversion, trust, domain age, email setup — scored against a fixed rubric. No vibes.
Get roasted (usefully)
A Growth Score out of 100, a proper roasting, and the exact fixes — ranked by impact.
Questions, roasted
Is the roast really free?
Yes. Every roast includes your Growth Score out of 100, the grade, all five subscore numbers, the one-liner, and two full findings — free, no card.
What does the Pro report add?
The complete report: 6–10 findings with concrete fixes, an executive summary, a multi-page deep crawl of your site, a 30-day week-by-week action plan, PDF download, and weekly automated re-roasts.
How does the AI score my business?
Deterministic checks run first — meta tags, CTAs, performance, analytics, domain age, email DNS records — and the AI grades against a fixed, versioned rubric with calibration anchors. Same site, same bar, every time.
What can you roast — just websites?
Five things: your website (URL), or screenshots of your Instagram, your LinkedIn company page, your Google Business Profile, or your physical storefront. Each gets its own scoring rubric.
Who is behind Business Roast?
GrowthLife — a real digital growth agency. If you'd rather have humans implement the fixes, every report has a button for that.
Will you roast someone else's business?
No. You confirm it's your business (or that you have permission) before every roast. We roast businesses, never people.
We fix this for a living.
Business Roast is built by GrowthLife — a real agency. Tell us where to reach you and we'll turn the roast into a fix-it plan, done for you.
Your competitors hope you skip this.
was the last case is you learn something; the best case is you fix it first.
Roast my business — free 🔥The truth is free. The fix costs less than lunch.
The teaser was the warm-up.
- ✓Full pro report — every finding, every fix
- ✓Multi-page deep crawl (services, pricing, about — not just your homepage)
- ✓Executive summary + 30-day week-by-week action plan
- ✓Download as PDF, share with your team
- ✓Weekly re-roast + 3 tasks, every Monday
- ✓Roast unlimited businesses
Pay directly from any UPI app — no card, no gateway fees. Verified manually, usually within minutes.
What do I get free?
Every roast includes your Growth Score, the grade, subscore numbers, the one-liner, and 2 full findings. Forever free.
What does the subscription unlock?
The complete report (6–10 findings with fixes), the top-3 priority plan, weekly automated re-roasts with 3 tasks every Monday, and unlimited roasts.
Can I cancel?
One click from your dashboard, powered by Stripe's billing portal. No emails, no guilt trips (from us — the roast may still sting).
Who's behind this?
GrowthLife — a real digital growth agency. If you'd rather have humans do the fixing, there's a button for that too.
“A sweet shop whose website is stale enough to fail its own freshness standards.”
Free taste 🔥
Everyone gets these two findings free, plus all subscores.
The hero says nothing, beautifully
“‘Welcome to our website’ is the headline. Congratulations — that's the one sentence every visitor already knew.”
Why it matters: You have ~5 seconds to say what you sell and why it's good. A greeting instead of a value proposition sends buyers back to Google.
Ordering requires detective work
“The phone number lives in a footer image. An image. Customers can't tap a JPEG.”
Why it matters: Every extra step to contact you loses a chunk of ready-to-buy customers, especially on mobile where 80% of your traffic lives.
Sharma Sweets has genuine brand equity — 38 years of history and a 4.6-star Google rating — but the website converts almost none of it. The biggest risk is invisibility: no local SEO, no analytics, and no direct ordering path means competitors capture demand this shop created. The biggest opportunity is speed: the top three fixes are one afternoon of work and directly open an ordering channel. Implemented over 30 days, this plan should measurably lift enquiries before the festive season.
- Add a sticky WhatsApp order button and tap-to-call number — capture ready buyers today.
- Rewrite the hero headline to state what you sell, where, and your proof in one line.
- Complete local SEO basics: meta tags, sitemap, and a fully filled Google Business Profile.
The full roast (8 findings)
No Google presence beyond the name
“Searching 'sweet shop near me' finds three competitors and a tutorial on making barfi — but not you.”
Why it matters: Local search is the single biggest source of new footfall for a shop like this.
Copyright 2022 in the footer
“The footer proudly declares 2022. The sweets are fresh; the website is not.”
Why it matters: Stale signals make customers wonder if you're still open — and search engines agree.
Zero analytics installed
“No pixel, no analytics, no idea. Marketing decisions here are pure astrology.”
Why it matters: Without measurement you can't tell which of your efforts brings orders.
Photos shot in the witness-protection style
“The gulab jamun photo is 240px wide and blurred like it's hiding from the paparazzi.”
Why it matters: Food sells through photography; low-quality images directly suppress orders.
No reviews anywhere on the site
“4.6 stars on Google, zero of them mentioned on the website. That's modesty you can't afford.”
Why it matters: Social proof is the cheapest conversion lift that exists.
Menu is a scanned PDF
“A 6 MB scanned PDF menu, rotated 90 degrees. Customers need a neck brace and patience.”
Why it matters: PDFs kill mobile UX and are invisible to search engines.
Business email is a personal Gmail
“sharmasweets1987@gmail.com — nothing says 'established brand' like a birth year in the address.”
Why it matters: Domain email with SPF/DMARC builds trust and keeps your offers out of spam.
Festival season, invisible
“It's two months to Diwali and the homepage's biggest news is that you exist.”
Why it matters: Gifting seasons are 40%+ of annual revenue for sweet shops; the site should sell the season.
Your 30-day plan
Stop the bleeding
- Add WhatsApp order button + tap-to-call in the header
- Rewrite the hero headline and sub-line
- Update the footer year and remove the broken links
Get measurable
- Install GA4 + Meta pixel with an order-click event
- Set up domain email with SPF/DMARC
- Embed top 5 Google reviews on the homepage
Get found
- Write locality-keyword title/meta for every page
- Replace the PDF menu with an HTML menu page
- Complete the Google Business Profile with 10 fresh photos
Sell the season
- Launch the Diwali gift-box banner + pre-order form
- Re-shoot the 10 best-selling products in daylight
- Post the new photos to Instagram and link them from the site
Now imagine this about your business.
The free score takes 60 seconds. The full report costs less than a box of mithai.
Roast my business — free 🔥